Girls are jerks.

Okay. First of all, this isn't a post about girls and their drama. This is about how girls, namely me, can be jerks to the male gender.

You see, girls have this way of telling boys things. Meaning, we don't tell them things, we try and show them through our actions and expect them to understand. And when they don't understand, we'll spend our time complaining to each other and when the complaining session comes to an end, we conclude that all guys are jerks. But the truth is, girls are the jerks.

As I mentioned in a previous post, I've flat out told guys I like them. Of course, this wasn't an easy thing to do. Just ask my roommates, they'll tell you all about the panic I was in throughout the entire experience. It was terrifying. Yet, I managed to do it. For some odd reason, the idea of rejection was easier to handle than continually not knowing.

There were two times when I told a guy I was interested. They both handled it VERY differently. The first took me out on a date a few months later. The second was one of my best friends, he immediately told me he was also interested and wanted to take me out. That was probably the last normal conversation we had and we never did go on a date or anything. We don't talk much anymore. However, with both situations I've been okay with the outcome.

There have also been two times when I should have told the guy how I felt. Not because I was madly in love with him, but because I wasn't interested at all and he had made his intentions clear. The first was through high school and I was able to get away with just avoiding the situation all together. The second is happening now. After the one date we went on, I stayed up all night stressing about how to let him know I wasn't interested. Although I've convinced myself I tried to let him know (meaning I gave some pretty obvious clues) I haven't flat out told him. And I feel like a complete jerk.

So how come it's easier for me to tell a guy I'm interested and risk rejection than it is to tell a guy I'm not interested and risk having him hate me?

I don't know what it is, but something in me feels the need to protect these guys from rejection, even if it will benefit them in the long run. And it will. Not only will they become stronger from it, but it will free them up for other opportunities.

It pretty much just goes in a circle. I don't want to hurt someone and in the process of trying not to hurt them, I end up being a jerk. To avoid being a jerk, I prolong the awkwardness for selfish reasons.

Guys, is there even a way to kindly inform you of our disinterest?

Girls, we need to remember. The guy pays for the date, he's the one who generally does the asking. He's expected to open our doors, to plan the date, to entertain us, and through all of this he has to try and translate our "hints" into words that he can understand.

And this is what it boils down to. The guy plans the date, picks us up, pays for the activity, can be an absolute gentleman the entire time. And, whether we're interested or not, we let it happen. Girls are jerks.

The Easier Path

I started writing almost an hour ago. When I read through what I had written I realized that I had two completely different topics and had horribly tried to connect them. In my mind at three in the morning it made perfect sense. But, I felt I should cut it down to the topic that actually has a meaning. So here is the last half of the post I started to write when I should have been sleeping.

All day long I've been thinking about how my life is moving. About how easily I am frustrated with life and how I wish I could be satisfied. I often think there has got to be an easier way, that life shouldn't be so complicated and difficult. As I sat in bed, a few scriptures came to my mind.

In Matthew chapter 11:28 it says "Come unto me, ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." The majority of the time I'd stop reading there and find comfort. It is a great scripture. By turning to him I can find rest. There is nothing wrong with that. However, if I keep reading, I kind find more. In the next verse it says, "Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart; and ye shall find rest unto your souls."

There are many ways to view that scripture. Relating to my own thoughts, I sometimes see it as someone saying "Come see how I do things. I am witty and charming and have my life together. Try things this way and even you can end up where you want to be." I sometimes see it as an observation type thing. I can just see how someone else does things and then suddenly I'll be able to do them that way, too. But that isn't how it works. "Take my yoke upon you." That right there is an action. Christ isn't saying He'll do all the work, but rather He is saying He'll share the work, He's nice enough to do half of  it. He isn't just going to show me, He will guide me and do things with me.

In 2 Corinthians 6:14 it says "Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers; for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?" This verse helps me see that I've been doing a lot of things wrong. I often think that I need to surround myself with people who I think  have all the qualities I lack. Of course, there is nothing wrong with trying to gain new characteristics and attributes. There is nothing wrong with looking up to people and admiring things about them, things I hope to live up to. But sometimes we need, I need to take things at a pace more suited to my own personal situation.

And this is where Christ comes in. He'll take the yoke with me, He's willing to work at the pace I personally need. As long as I am doing my part, He will be there next to me doing his.

The mistake I often make is moving too quickly, slowly, or trying to pull in a direction I feel I need to go. I forget that Heavenly Father is the one in charge and that He is the one to have the final say. If He wants me to slow down, I should. He has the map in hand, He can see what steep climbs are ahead. If I ask and if I listen, He will tell me the way to go, the pace I should travel, and the stops I should make. I honestly believe that if there is something I need to know, He will tell me. All I have to do is ask. He won't leave me hanging. He won't laugh and say "It's a secret! You'll have to wait and hear it through the grape vine!" He'll tell me. As simple as that.

Matthew 11 ends with these words, "For MY yoke is easy, and my burden is light." If we do things His way we will be happy. If we listen and slow down, speed up, take a turn we didn't plan to take, our journey can become what He has planned and will become easier.

Gratitude = Optimism

Today was one of those days. I just couldn't be happy. I kept thinking about all the things I'm missing out on by living at home, of all the places I wanted to be, of all the things I wished I could be doing.

With the bad mood in tow, I drove home from work. The closer I got to home, the more upset I became. And believe me, I came up with plenty to be upset about.

Near my house, there is a street completely covered with trees. Even with the bad mood clouding my thoughts, as I drove down that street I couldn't help but think "Gosh, these trees are gorgeous! They always make me happy." I know it sounds cheesy, but it's the truth. And sometimes, I just need a cheesy tree moment to pull me out of my awful thoughts and focus on the good.

And you know what I realized? I could come up with more to be thankful for than to be upset about. I am blessed more than I deserve, and I shouldn't dwell on the bad. I need to be optimistic and notice the good.

So, here are some things I am thankful for that bring me into a more optimistic mindset.

I'm thankful for the days I can just sit down listen to music with Mitchell.

For the fact that both my brothers like me to read to them before they go to bed.

That I have parents who will be on my side no matter what.

For an older sister who, even though she has so much going on in her own life, will spend an entire day reading every blog post I've ever written and then later ask to read other things I've written.

I'm thankful for the days I don't get a flat tire, run out of gas, or get pulled over on my way to work.

For those moments a student tells me "I wish you were my teacher, I love your class."

I'm thankful that people believe in me and haven't given up on me.

For the days I'm at work and I don't get fired.

That I have a best friend who will listen to me all day long, no matter what I have to say.

I'm thankful when I don't choke on my food.

For the fact that I have a job that doesn't require me to wake up early, drive a long distance, cause me to lower my standards, or involves people throwing tomatoes at my face.

That my little sister will call me back even if all I said in my message was "I WANT TO JUMP IN LEAVES!"

For the times Spencer doesn't make fun of me when I try to play a video game.

That the guy from that awkward date didn't murder me.

For friends who still keep in touch.

I'm thankful when the green light is lit up when I get to the stop light.

For the students who seem to read my mind and know when I need a pick-me-up.

I'm grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who puts up with me and loves me no matter what.

I could keep going for hours. But, the point isn't to list every little thing I'm thankful for. The point is to remind myself that being grateful for something can help me see the bright side, help me to have a happier attitude.

Rules of being a Gentleman

I recently went on the most awful blind date ever imaginable. Okay, it could have been worse. No cars were crashed this time, and I did make it back alive. Nonetheless, it was an awful date.

It's all thanks to one of my old roommates. She had gone on a date with him and wasn't interested. Rather than telling him that, she decided to just pass him along and give him my number. He had red hair, so of course she thought I'd like him.

I've been on many blind dates. I went on some with some really great guys, some with some guys who were jerks, and some where the guy was very average in everything he did. This last blind date was...well, it was different. Throughout the entire date I couldn't help but compare everything this guy did to previous dates I had been on. To be honest, this guy failed in almost every aspect.

This surprised me. The roommate who set us up had told me he was a gentleman. He opened doors for her, gave her a coat to wear, he sent the impression that he was a gentleman. After the date, I realized he just had the appearance of being a gentleman, but he wasn't a genuine gentleman. I came up with a few points of where he went wrong, a few rules of being a true gentleman.

#1 - Asking for the date
I understand that this was a blind date, but he asked me over a text. He obviously couldn't ask me in person and we were already talking through text so it did make a little sense. However, it would have been four thousand times better had he called and asked me. True, it would have been awkward. But think about it, you can hear a persons thoughts through their voice. This can help you know how excited or devastated the girl is about going on the date, which will help you prepare for the date. Also, we girls may not admit it too often, but we like that old fashion stuff.

#2 - Planning the date
Spontaneity is fun, but it has it's limits. Let's be honest, there is a difference between turning a study session into a date and taking a girl out for four hours when she has no clue of the plan. Make sure that you know the girls plans ahead of time. Even if you have been best friends for eight years, she might not dare tell you she has to be up at five for work the next day.

#3 - Ending the date
This obviously goes along with planning the date. Remember, no matter how great the date is going, it needs to end. It is always better to end on a positive note than a negative one. For example, say you're on the best date of your life. The two of you are hitting it off. You want to spend more time with her. Don't make this date last longer, ask her on a second one instead. This is a far better plan than taking her out for ice cream after you've had dinner and a movie. End the date on a high note, leaving her wanting to go out with you again.

#4 - Be honest
I mean be honest in every possible way. If you didn't hear what she said, tell her. Don't pretend you knew. If you hate her favorite movie, tell her. Don't act like you watch it every night. If you don't like her, don't hold her hand and make plans to go on another date. Before the date with this guy, he had me convinced he had a daughter. He had sent me a picture of her and everything. Of course, I'd be okay either way, if he had a daughter or not. This was the first date and I wasn't going to be judgmental of a guy I didn't know. However, if you have a child, sending your date a picture of them isn't the way to let them know. Especially on a first date. It turns out that he didn't have a daughter. So, why on earth was he telling me he did? BE HONEST! Don't lie about little things, and DON'T lie about bigger things.

#5 - Get to know her
This is what annoyed me the most on this awful blind date. Each time I went into a story or started answering his questions he'd interrupt with something like "My hair is actually kind of a strawberry blonde, not red" or "My nieces like me to push them on the swings." What is the point of asking me a question if you aren't going to let me answer? There should be an actual conversation on the date. It shouldn't be set up in question and answer form. Respond to what she says. Answer her questions. Listen to what she says. If she brings it up again, ask more questions, it's obviously important to her. I mentioned my family multiple times on this date, each time he quickly changed the subject. On a date I'd been on with another guy, he asked me questions about each of my siblings, taking an interest in all of them. This was great because later when I brought up my sister, he immediately knew which one I was talking about.
*GIRLS! This goes for you too! Don't be the girl who talks about herself the entire date.

#6 - Do the "Gentleman" things
This should go without saying. You need to make her feel safe around you, especially if it is a blind date. Don't take her to an abandoned park at one in the morning. Don't force her to do something she doesn't feel comfortable with. If she says no, she means no. This doesn't just mean with physical touch, it can even go with conversation. On this date, after I told the guy I'm terrified of needles, he proceeded to try and poke my hand with one. I was near tears, begging him not to. Guys, be smart. Don't make a girl feel uncomfortable. This also includes opening doors, picking her up at the front door, meeting her family or roommates or anyone else who is there, and then walking her to her door at the end of the date. Remember, this shouldn't be obnoxious. Show her that you will get the door for her, don't shout it at her as you head towards the car.

#7 - Take it easy
This goes along with almost every other rule I've mentioned. It boils down to one thing - DON'T BE FORWARD! There is nothing worse than having a guy hold your hand on the first date when you know nothing about him. Guys, if the she has her hands in the pocket of her jacket, don't reach in for them. If she yawns and mentions she has a busy day, take her home. Don't drag out the date. Don't talk about marriage or even plan out all of your future dates. Take it easy, you don't want to seem like you're going to hold her at gun point and drag her to the temple.

Now, I know we girls can be VERY difficult. I can't speak for other girls but I can tell you what I've learned in my experiences. We don't want to get hurt and we don't want to hurt you. This means we'll give off "signs" and hope you understand them. We don't want to flat out tell you we aren't interested, or flat out tell you we are. It's scary for us. If you are confused, just ask her. Tell her to be honest and straightforward. She should respect for you that.

Just so you know, I mean this for girls as well. We are just as much to blame if a date goes horribly. There will always be things for both sides to work on. This is just a start. If this blind date guy ever asked me out again, I'd say no in a heartbeat. If he isn't going to treat me with respect then he doesn't deserve a second date. I think I've only been on one date where the guy actually came close to perfectly following each of these rules. If he asked me out again, I wouldn't be able to hold in my excitement. The way you treat someone will mean a lot more than how much you have in common.

And there you have it. My opinion. If you want to hear about this awful date and laugh your head off, give me a call, I'd love to tell you the story. :)

One Step at a Time

Let me be honest, this is not where I pictured myself to be at this point in my life.

This past week, I met a lot of new people. While getting to know one, a friend said "Sorine works at an elementary school and is writing a book." I felt accomplished. While meeting another, a different friend said, "Sorine's kind of having a midlife crisis." I felt pathetic.

In both situations, we were talking about the same thing, the fact that I'm not going to school right now. A lot of people, including myself, often see this as a negative thing. After all, it is good to have an education, school is where you meet people, and to be blunt, you just gotta get out of the house.

One thing I've noticed about meeting new people or catching up with people I haven't seen in a while, is they all give me the same disappointed look. If I'm just meeting them, they pretty much toss away the thought of becoming friends. If I'm not getting an education, I must not be worth it. If I know them, they give me a look that says, "Come on, Sorine, I thought you were better than that."

As I said, this isn't how I pictured my life. And I see the fact that I'm not at school as a negative thing. Why am I not at school then? The response that I normally give is, "I didn't want to take out a loan, so I'm saving money to go back next year." This is true, but as always, there is more to it.

When in high school, I had an experience (possibly a topic for another blog another day) that completely changed my outlook on life. I wanted to serve a mission. The gospel brought me joy and I loved it more than anything. I didn't want to live selfishly, I wanted to share the joy I felt.  I wanted people to know that they don't have to be alone, that they are loved, that they are children of God.

I stuck with that decision and tried really hard to learn and grow as much as I could. I had it all planned out, I'd go to school and get my associates, come home and work until I was 21, and then leave on a mission. A mission was all I could see. Of course, there were times I doubted it, wondered if I could really handle it. But each time I prayed about it, I got a feeling that I should keep living how I was and keep learning as much as I could. Seeing how a mission was what I wanted, I turned that answer into the idea that I NEEDED to serve a mission.

However, as I ended my second year of school and the time to start my papers came closer, I began to pray and fast about it more often. And although I was still getting the feeling that this learning and growing thing was good, I was also getting the answer that I needed to stay home, He needed me here.

Deciding not to go on a mission but to instead to go where He wanted me to be was one of the hardest things I had to do. I had everyone doubting me, worrying I was falling away from the church. People were telling me I needed to pray and fast about it before making such a serious choice. They couldn't see that I already had, that I was struggling enough on my own. If anyone is reading this, please remember, you never know the full story. NEVER judge anyone or make them feel like less of a person because of a decision they've made. Each individual is in a different situation. Placing judgement because you think they aren't making the right decision isn't okay. What I needed right then was support, and believe it or not, it was difficult to find.

After General Conference and the announcement of the age change for missionaries, I couldn't help but look back on my life wonder what would have been different if I had the option of serving a mission at age 19. I honestly don't know. However, I do know that I wouldn't change the experiences I had at school for anything.

I still don't know what Heavenly Father has in store for me. Right now I'm living at home, I'm teaching math part time at an elementary school, I work for my dad as a second job, I spend my free time writing a book that I'll probably never dare to let anyone read, and my social life is nonexistent. If that gives you the idea that I'm having a midlife crisis, that I'm a deadbeat, or that I am less than you, then fine. So be it.

I've learned so much through all of this. What's been the hardest to keep, however, is a good perspective. I need to remember that I am blessed. I have a job that I love, I'm living with a family who will do anything for me, and I find ways brighten my day. As one of my favorite hymns says, "Lead kindly light, amid the encircling gloom; lead thou me on! The night is dark, and I am far from home; lead thou me on. Keep thou my feet; I do not ask to see the distant scene - One step enough for me."

I know I am where He wants me to be. It is different than what I had planned, but I also know the result will be better this way. He can see the road ahead of me. He knows what's best for me. I'm following the best I can. Even though it's hard and I sometimes feel like a deadbeat having a midlife crisis, I can be happy. And you know what? I am. I don't know what he has in store for me next, but I'm going where He wants me to go, one step at a time.