What I wish I could say (Part 2)

Remember this post? Well, it is happening again.

How about you stop joking about taking me on a date and actually take me on a date? I think we would both really enjoy it.

Sometimes I think you are too judgmental. And that probably makes me judgmental. But that's the way it is. Because, really, if you'd stop noticing the things that annoy you, you'd find that you would be a lot happier.

I think you are old enough to start taking care of yourself now. Not that you are doing a completely horrible job at it, but I just think you have the potential to do a whole lot better.

You've quickly become one of my best friends. And I'm so grateful for that. But, I don't really enjoy it when you put yourself into my situations and try to fix them for me. I know you mean well, but I really do know how to handle things on my own. I just wish I had that chance.

Your honesty and humor are a great combination. I love you for that. Thanks for always being there for me, from the serious conversations to the crazy way eating of Swedish fish. You are the best.

You are breaking my heart. And I don't like it.

I'm proud of you. I truly am. You've never been afraid to be yourself, even when others haven't treated you with respect because of it. I wish I knew how to show you how much your example really means to me.

I wish I knew how to help you. I want you to be happy. It hurts to see you in so much pain.

You think like a girl. If you could just admit that to yourself and accept it, you might actually be able to enjoy it and come to some conclusions rather than all of this "it's just so complicated" crap.

I look back and think about how angry I was with you, how I constantly wanted to just slap you across the face. But if I had the chance now, I'd really like to just give you a nice high-five and say thanks.

This isn't easy for me. Nothing has changed. But everything's changed. I don't like dealing with it. My defense is to hide, which isn't the nicest thing for me to do. So I'm sorry. I obviously have some things I need to work out. I just really hope we can still be friends when all of this is over.

Rather than talking to everyone else about my life, just talk to me. I can give you the honest details. But when you discuss my personal life with people I don't want to know about these details, my trust in you goes down. I don't know if I'll be able to keep confiding in you.

Our car rides together are some of my favorite moments. You always have a way of cheering me up, even if you are crying in the seat next to me. I'm proud of the strong girl you have become. And I'm also so glad we are this close.

To answer your question, yes. I do still feel like that change will have to happen. But not in the way I used to think about it.

I remember when I had that really crappy morning and I didn't want to go to class. I didn't even have to tell you what was going on, you didn't expect me to tell you anything. You just stayed with me, watching movies and eating junk food until I was happy again. And that wasn't the first time you'd done something like that. And it obviously hasn't been the last. I know we aren't very sentimental. Ever. But prepare yourself, because I'm about to be. I don't know where I'd be right now if it weren't for your friendship. When I thought all was over and that no one cared, you were there for me. When I just want to be done, you are willing to do whatever it takes to turn my mood around. You really are the best friend I've ever had. I don't know how to repay you for that. So thank you. Oh, and PS- got me cookie, gave you cookie!

I wish I felt more comfortable around you, because you really are a great person. And if I had to list my top five best friends, you'd be in that top five. Which is weird, because we rarely even speak.

Cut your hair. Please. Just cut it already. It's gross.

You are such a weird guy. But you know that. And you don't care that you're weird. And that is why we are friends.

I think you are attractive. And if we could get to know each other, I think it would be beneficial. How about a date? ;)

I think maybe it would be a good idea for you to stop posting about how you are single on Facebook. It seems like you are trying to come across like you are okay with it, but it just sounds desperate and a little bit pathetic. Rather than post about it, just go out and get yourself some dates. I know you can, because you're pretty darn good looking.

Still want to send a dead fish and some rabbit hair in the mail? I know just the person...

I don't think I've lived up to who you could be.  But I'm trying. And I know you are helping me. Thank you.

Although we've never met, I grateful for the person you are. You've been a huge example to me.

I don't think you realize how truly amazing you are. I wish I could tell you. I wish you could see it. If I had the guts, I'd be telling you my thoughts, trying to build you up, and thanking you for all that you've done for me.

People are weird. We are people. That means we are weird. Deal with it.

Pray. He is there.

The first real memory I have of praying on my own is a memory I am very grateful for. I don't remember how old I was, but it was at our first house, so I was no older than five. I had been given a small case for lipstick. It was probably something my mom just no longer wanted, but I loved it. I brought it with me almost everywhere I went. Until I lost it.

I was upset about it. I'm sure you can imagine this, seeing how I was little at the time. But I remembered hearing stories about people praying when they had lost something and how Heavenly Father would help them find the thing they had lost. So I prayed. I told Heavenly Father that I wanted this little case back and that I wanted him to tell me where it was. I didn't get an answer and I was even more upset.

Now, it may seem odd that such a weird story has been the foundation for my testimony on prayer. Let me explain. I never found that case, but I was okay. Eventually I moved on. Of course, at that young age I didn't understand the influence it would have on me and I didn't think much of it. But looking back now, I'm so grateful for that experience. While I never had that little case again, I did have others and I learned to take better care of them. Heavenly Father did answer my prayer, but not how I wanted. Instead of telling me exactly where it was, He taught me to put less value in worldly things, to pay better attention to where I place things, and that I can always pray, no matter how small the situation.

I look back on this and realize that I have had many more moments like it throughout my life. I don't mean moments where I lost something, prayed, and still couldn't find it. I mean moments where I pray, but Heavenly Father knows better than I do and answers my prayers in a way I don't expect.

Let me change directions a little bit. On Thanksgiving, I was sitting at a table with some family members. We couldn't all fit at one table (of course not, though not all were attending, there are over seventy in the family), so people were wandering past with plates of food. One aunt sat across from me and as someone else walked past holding one of my baby cousins, this aunt lit up. She smiled, and then explained to us how grateful she is for prayer. She had prayed for this baby for a long time - he was born premature and was in the hospital for a while. "Even though I've only met him a few times," she said, "I have such a deep love for him." Praying for a person, even people you do not know, will bring you closer to them.

Last April, Rosemary Wixom, the Primary General President, gave a talk titled "The Words We Speak." This talk has recently become one of my favorite talks of all time. While it is geared towards how we speak to children, I like to relate it to all the people in my life. She says, "To speak to a child's heart, we must know a child's needs. If we pray to know these needs, the very words we say may have the power to reach into their hearts. Our efforts are magnified when we seek the direction of the Holy Ghost."

I decided to put this, along with what my aunt taught me, into action. Over the last month, I've prayed  to know the needs of people I care about, people I have a hard time getting along with, and people I've barely even met. It works. I've never been given so many promptings as to what to say, or how to act, or what to do. I've never felt such a connection to people before. It has been the most wonderful experience.

Prayer works. No matter what is going on in my life, I can pray to for help and He will be there. Even if it isn't how I expect an answer to come, He will send an answer to my prayers.Through prayer I can gain a better relationship with people. Through prayer I can let my testimony grow.  Heavenly Father knows what He is doing. He will always provide a way for me, and with faith and with His guidance, I can make it down the path He has planned.