In fall of 2012 I started a job at an elementary school. It opened up many doors for me and has really shaped my life. While at this job, I spent the majority of my time in kindergarten classes. I'd lead groups of about five students through different activities to help them with their reading. The activities were things they could do while talking to me, so I got to know these kids pretty well. And it seemed like they wanted to get to know me, too. They'd ask all sorts of questions.
One day, a little boy asked me if I was a mom. That seemed to be the most common question from these kids. I responded and told him no, I wasn't a mom. That wasn't enough for him. He needed a title for me. He proceeded to ask if I was a teenager or a wife or a grandma. When I told him no to each of those, he seemed genuinely concerned. "Well," he said, "what are you then?"
Even though it is now years later, this short conversation has been on my mind the past few weeks. I've started a job at another elementary school (this makes four) and the same little boy who asked me those questions attends this school as a third grader. Pretty sure he doesn't remember me, but that's okay. Anyway, I've started to ask myself that same question. What am I then?
I know what I'm not. So, let's start there.
I'm not a mother. And it's hard. Last week I sat in a Relief Society lesson and listened to this wonderful sister cry as she explained her desire to use her degree and have a career, but instead she is staying home with her kids. I held back my own tears as I thought of how I'm in the exact opposite situation. Because I want to be a mom more than anything. However, the thing is I'm not a mom. I'm not even close to being a mom. BUT, I'm an aunt. I'm so lucky to live closer to my adorable nephew, to see him every day, and to be a part of his life. I'm a cousin. My dad is the oldest of ten, my mom the oldest of four. I've got tons of cousins. And I love spending time with each of them. I've been in various jobs that have allowed me to work with kids and with youth. My favorite being the job of an EFY counselor. I've been able to pray with kids, watch them change, play games with them, learn with them. I may not be a mother yet, but Heavenly Father is still giving me as many opportunities as He can.
I'm not a teenager. It seems silly to say it. But, it's true. And not being a teenager anymore comes with a lot of challenges. I don't get to go to high school and see my friends every day. I don't get to stay out all night and still feel energized the next day. I have responsibilities now. Ones that stress me out so much I don't even want to talk about them. BUT, I get to interact with my little brother more through his teenage years. I get to be excited for him when he gets the lead in a play (which did just happen, by the way). I can still stay up late and I have more freedom in that. I have a job that allows me to be home earlier in the day, providing me with plenty of time to read or color or ride my bike or any of the things I loved doing while a teenager. I may be growing up, but I can handle it.
I'm not a student. It's fall. School is starting up again and all my friends are moving back to Logan while I stay here. It's not easy to hear about them taking classes and meeting new people. It's not easy to explain how I never did finish my degree. I honestly hate not being a student. BUT, I've had amazing work experiences. I'll be starting school online in January. And though it won't be the typical school experience, I'll be learning. When I finally have my degree, when I can finally be a teacher in my own classroom, I'll have worked within four different school districts, worked with all ages, and have had experiences that I couldn't have gotten while having the typical school experience.
I'm not a missionary/RM. If you follow my blog, or my life, at all then you've heard me talk about this. It's something I'm passionate about as it was something I really wanted in my life. I'll be honest with you, it isn't easy to be happy for people when they are given the chance to serve a mission. I think it is wonderful, but I can't help but feel sad that a full time mission is not a part of the plan Heavenly Father has for me. It's hard hearing of their stories and success, seeing the changes they go through. They get to experience this amazing thing. While I wanted to be on a mission, I lived at my parents house, away from friends, away from school, away from what I wanted in life. BUT, I still find ways to share the gospel. As I said before, I've been a counselor at EFY. I've been able to teach youth and to grow with them. My faith has increased more than I ever thought it would. And though I may not have served a full time mission, I've still been blessed with opportunities to share the gospel in little ways every day.
When my cute little student looked up at me full of shock and concern, I didn't know what to say. I honestly don't even know what I told him. I remember telling my sister the story later and she said, "Well, duh, Sorine. You're an adult. How hard is that to say?" And it is true. I am an adult. But today an even better answer came to me. One I've heard many times. One that I need to hear, and say, as often as possible. I am a child of God. And that's the only title I need.
