God's Love: It Removes Fear

Around this time last year, I wrote a post about fear. It is obvious how much I have let fear hold a place in my life. I have a lot of fears. Oddly enough, I'm not afraid to admit that. I honestly can't tell you what it was that made me write that post. I know I was terrified of something. But it has passed now. Whatever it was, it wasn't enough to completely consume me.

But I still have fears. Over the summer I had the wonderful opportunity to be an EFY counselor. Each week, when I would sit down and introduce myself to my new group of girls, I'd share my favorite scripture. 2 Timothy 1:7 "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." I'd talk to them about the fears I have, starting little and getting to the bigger ones. I'm afraid of moths. I'm afraid of needles. I'm afraid of being the first car at a red light. I'm afraid of heights. I'm afraid of left hand turns. I'm afraid of the future. I'm afraid of disappointing my parents. I'm afraid I won't be enough. I'm afraid...I'm afraid...I'm afraid...

The list could go on. In fact, in my head it really does. There are times when I let the list of fears just roll over and consume my thoughts. It isn't healthy.

One moment when I let this happen sticks out above all the rest. I say moment, but let's be real, it lasted for quite some time. I've talked about this story before (you can read it here and here), but I intentionally left out the detail of fear. I was afraid to talk about it. But I think it is important. So I'm talking about it now.

Because of the previous posts, I won't retell the entire story. But, for those of who not wanting to go back and read (don't worry, I wouldn't want to either), here's what you need to know. I wanted to serve a mission more than anything. I looked forward to it since I was sixteen. It was all I could think about and really the only part of my future I had planned. However, I didn't serve a mission.

And now the details I was too afraid to share before.

When in my last semester at Snow college, the one I assumed would be right before leaving on a mission, I took a mission prep institute class. It was wonderful! The teacher was one I had had for other classes and he and I were pretty close. As the semester went on, and my prayer/fasting about a mission increased, he could tell something was up. One day he handed me a note. Basically, it said he thought I was great and that if I wanted to talk about things he'd be willing to listen.

I immediately took him up on that offer. As soon as class was over we sat down in his office and I began to let it all out. I explained how badly I wanted an answer about serving a mission. As much as I wanted to go, my desire to follow what God had planned for me was even greater. I explained to him how I'd been praying, but hadn't gotten an answer either way.

His response was unexpected. He didn't reference scriptures of waiting for an answer or of listening to the spirit. Instead, he asked me what my real thoughts of serving a mission were, answers to prayers aside. So, I told him I was afraid. I expressed my anxiety over it all. I wanted to serve, but I was afraid.

That's when he opened the scriptures. And what scripture did he turn to? My favorite. 2 Timothy 1:7. "Where are these fears coming from?" he asked. And I realized I couldn't take those fears as an answer to my prayers. I'd been too scared, and those fears blocked my ability to really find out the answer. It wasn't until I faced the fears I had and brought them to my Heavenly Father that I was able to get an answer.

The reason I've never shared that part of the story before is because it almost seems like I didn't serve because I was afraid. That isn't the case. By the end of it all, those fears were gone. I wasn't afraid of serving a mission. If anything, my desire to serve only increased.

And that's what I want to focus on. Those fears were gone. How did that happen?

I've always been given the impression that having fear is a bad thing. However, in Elder David A. Bednar's most recent conference talk, he said, "Notably, one of the first effects of the Fall was for Adam and Eve to experience fear. This potent emotion is an important element of our mortal existence." When I heard that I was kind of surprised. Fear is important? And here I thought fear was a bad thing.

Fear is the lack of faith, right? Isn't that what I've always been told? How could lacking faith ever be a good thing?

That fear and faith thing always bothered me. I mean, I have a lot of fears! But I also have a lot of faith. Can they really not exist at the same time? Because they are both pretty constant themes in my life...

Elder Bednar gives three principles to removing our fear: Look to Christ, build upon the foundation of Christ, and press forward with faith in Christ. The last word in each of the principles is the same. Christ. He is the key to removing our fear. When I wanted an answer about serving a mission, I did all three of those things. I turned to Christ despite my fears. With his help, I was able to push the fears aside and focus on what really matters.

Today, I learned something incredible. Fear is not always the lack of faith, rather the lack of peace. I have fears. That doesn't mean I'm unfaithful. It means I lack peace. Through my faith I can take my fears to the Savior and feel peace.

Fear is still going to be a part of my life. But God loves me enough to provide a way to remove the fear and replace it with His peace, which passeth ALL understanding (Philippians 4:7). His peace exists. It isn't just some made up fairy tale to make me happy. It is real. I've felt it. And because of that, my fear can be removed.

Dating: The Dreaded Topic

Personally, I think life is great. It is full of ups and downs, but it's fun to see how it plays out. I'm at a wonderful point in life. Basically, I have my options open to me and I can do whatever I'd like. There are a lot of things in my future I have to look forward to. Plenty of opportunities that I'm simply beyond excited for.

Now, this isn't the end all of a happy life, but I'm single. Yeah, still. I've never been in a relationship. I've never been kissed. Honestly, I'm okay with it about 80% of the time. It's the other 20% that is hard.

In the Mormon culture you can't avoid the topic of dating. All those in my ward can confirm that there is a certain member of the bishopric who can't talk to you without bringing up dating. In a YSA ward, it is only natural for the bishopric to want us to get married. As much as they love us, they want us to get married and leave the ward. And it's hard to hear it from them. Even though the entire ward is unmarried (it is, after all, dedicated to the singles of the church), I still feel alone in it all.

It shouldn't be this way, but it is even harder around family. It's probably because they want me to be happy and they think marriage/dating can bring happiness to my life. They mean well, but the pressure often gets me down. I've gotten to a point where I don't even enjoy telling them about the new guy I'm interested in. Which is weird because I normally love telling them all those details.

So, the thing is, I'm twenty-three and single and it is hard. You know how I'm a journal nerd? Well, a lot of those journals are filled with ideas I had of why I'm single. I have pages and pages full of repulsive things about me. Things that I dislike. Things I wish I could change. Things I really shouldn't be focusing on.

For some reason, I have it in my mind that there is something wrong with me and that is why I'm still single. This year, I tried really hard to put myself out there (keep in mind that my idea of putting myself out there is probably completely different than yours. I'm shy and I keep to myself. Just getting to ward prayer is often a challenge). At the start of fall semester, my bishop gave me dating advice. At first, I was a little worried to hear it. I didn't want it to be something I couldn't do. But he knows me and he was really inspired in the advice he gave. And I followed it. I did the best I could. Honestly, other than flat out asking a guy on a date, I've done what I can to date.

So what's the problem, then? Why am I not dating?

And now I'm back to the blame me mindset.

After having a conversation with a friend (one who, on more than just one occasion, I have wished would ask me on a date) about dating, the answer came to me. I'm not caring enough. I don't do enough for others. I need to be more compassionate. I don't serve enough...

I couldn't stop. My mind was full of negative thoughts about myself.

Now, it's been less than two hours since this conversation. And in those two hours I didn't come to some miraculous conclusion of how I'm wonderful and some guy will be lucky to have me, even if I don't do all the kind acts I should. I wish I could say I've replaced all those thoughts. I wish I could say I've found a way to deal with it.

The truth is, I do need to serve more. I could be more compassionate. I need to reach outside of myself more. But to say that's why I'm not dating? Come on, Sorine. That's ridiculous.

And you know what? ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! I need to quit telling myself what I'm doing wrong and think about all the good I'm doing. I'm not perfect. But I'm doing enough.

Two and a half years ago, I wrote a blog about dating. Here's the advice I gave at the end: "Be yourself. If you are a girl who expects the guys to ask on dates, you don't constantly have a smile on your face, and you enjoy making meals for others, that is okay. If you are a guy who would rather complain to a girl than ask her out, you let girls cook for you and don't do anything in return, and you only ask a girl out if you already know you are really, genuinely interested and think you love her, that is okay. Just make sure you know who to blame if you are single. You are responsible for it. Not the girls who won't smile, not the guys you make dinner for. You."

Harsh, right? But it is also the truth. The hard to accept, painful, difficult truth. I'm responsible for the fact that I'm still single. If I want to get to the next step in life, I need to leave the one I'm at. And moving forward means leaving your comfort zone. If I want a change, I have to change myself in order to get it. 

That's all, folks!