Midnight Madness

"You're mad. Bonkers. Off your head. But I'll tell you something, all the best people are." - Alice in Wonderland

We are mad. Bonkers. And off our heads.

Why, you ask? Because we need to move into a rest home. Possibly. Or, maybe because we find it hard to eat popsicles near funny people. Or, because we are depressed...which leads us back to the popsicles.

If you haven't caught on yet, we are in a mood, a funny mood.

It all started when Julia and I sat in my room discussing life. We decided we were going to keep ourselves entertained because we find each other funny and pretty much the only thing we are good at is making the other person laugh. "We can't make money though." "We'll be poor people. Entertained poor people. No, eventually we'll be dead. So we'll be Entertained Dead People."

Julia also talked for a minute about stretching. Like stretching taffy, but not really. "I haven't stretched in like two weeks. Unless you count picking up trash at the pool." "Julia, that's like saying you haven't painted a room in ten years unless you count painting your toenails inside a room." We laughed. And then Julia realized she has picked up some taffy wrappers. Ha! Ha! Ha!

Me: How come I can't spell "stretched"?
Julia: Cuz you're smart!!!

You know those commercials, the ones where they ask several random questions that really apply to everyone? Well, we laugh at those. And then we like to make up more of our own. Here is an example:

"Do you often cry when you are sad? Do you wear a yellow jacket 24/7? Do you find it difficult to eat a popsicle when near a funny person? Do you bite yourself? Are you chewing on your hand at this exact moment? We caught you! You must be depressed!"

Spencer told us that the solution to our "life" is to go to an old folks home. He meant like work there but we thought of it as moving in, because we'd fit right in! We decided, for some reason, that they'd probably have a questionnaire for us to fill out as we tried to move in. It'd look something like this:

1. Have you fallen in the last 24 hours?
2. Do you need to be spoon fed?
3. Do you need a diaper change?
4. Do you eat like a dead fish?
5. Do you need to borrow teeth?
6. Do you want to be pushed around in a wheelchair?
7. Do you have a hard time remembering your own name?
8. Do you call everyone you come in contact with "Susan?"
9. Do you read the obituaries looking for your own name?
10. Do you use your teeth to scratch your ear?

And this is what our answers would be:

1. Yes in the parking lot on the way in, and I've got bruises to prove it!
2. I think I'd enjoy that...
3. Do I need a diaper?
4. Occasionally, just for my own personal enjoyment
5. I think mine will do just fine...
6. YES I DO!!!!! WEEEEEE!
7. Yeah, I sometimes call myself Susan.
8. Hey, that name sounds a little familiar...
9. Good idea! "Ssssuuuusan!!"
10. No, but can I borrow yours?


Um... Hi. :) :)