I've had a lot on my mind today. It has distracted me in everything I've had to do. However, I've also avoided really thinking about these things too much. The little thinking I did made my head want to explode and gave me a panic attack. So I decided to get away.
What I usually do to get away is write. When I am struggling with something in my own life it sometimes helps to forget about my own life and create a new world, a new character, a new something. Tonight, I came home wanting to write. This has been a struggle for me lately. Not because I don't have the desire or the creative juices flowing, but because I'm holding off on my big project for NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month). It is only ten days away now and honestly, I can't wait to get started. I'll probably begin the moment the clock strikes midnight.
Anyway, since I can't get going at that project, I had another one in mind that I decided to go back to. However, as I looked for it I came across files and files of all these other unfinished projects. I opened a few I had forgotten about and was disappointed to see my lack of commitment. One of them only said a few lines and that was it. But, I was still excited with all of these possibilities
I was reminded of a NaNo pep talk by Brandon Sanderson I read just last night (he is on the list to give another one this year and I won't lie, I'm beyond excited). He mentions the "writing reservoir" that most writers have inside of them. I can completely relate to that. I'm constantly thinking "Hey, that's a great idea for a book!" or "Oh man, get me a pen quick so I can write this down." Ideas come all the time. Honestly, I'm constantly thinking of ways to turn every day things into a story of some sort. For a while, I was in the habit of carrying a notebook with me and writing these things down as they came. I turned them into very short stories in another notebook I kept on my nightstand. This is a habit I wish I still had.
Sanderson also talks about something else I can relate to all too well - finishing. He said, "On the path to becoming a professional writer, I've noticed that there are many drop-out points. These points are where I've noticed that a large number of aspiring writers tend to give up. the biggest one is finishing that first novel. Many people claim they want to write one, but a mere fraction of those people will actually make it to the end." It is sad how true this is for me. Since I was eleven years old I dreamed of becoming a writer. Publishing a book was the first thing on my bucket list.
I think that is where my problem lies. That's what I wanted to be when I "grew up." Yet, I started then. I wrote stories of a girl made of cheese, a man with an extendable nose, a girl on the quest to find a pet, and many other random things. But I always dreamed of becoming a writer, like it was some sort of process I had to go through. I never really admitted to being a writer. Even now I struggle saying those words, even typing them. But I write - I am a writer. Yeah, some stranger doesn't have my words bound and sitting on a shelf somewhere. I don't get paid to sit around and let my imagination take over. I rarely even allow people to read my writing.
But I write. I am a writer. One capable of finishing. And I will.
