Rules of being a Gentleman

I recently went on the most awful blind date ever imaginable. Okay, it could have been worse. No cars were crashed this time, and I did make it back alive. Nonetheless, it was an awful date.

It's all thanks to one of my old roommates. She had gone on a date with him and wasn't interested. Rather than telling him that, she decided to just pass him along and give him my number. He had red hair, so of course she thought I'd like him.

I've been on many blind dates. I went on some with some really great guys, some with some guys who were jerks, and some where the guy was very average in everything he did. This last blind date was...well, it was different. Throughout the entire date I couldn't help but compare everything this guy did to previous dates I had been on. To be honest, this guy failed in almost every aspect.

This surprised me. The roommate who set us up had told me he was a gentleman. He opened doors for her, gave her a coat to wear, he sent the impression that he was a gentleman. After the date, I realized he just had the appearance of being a gentleman, but he wasn't a genuine gentleman. I came up with a few points of where he went wrong, a few rules of being a true gentleman.

#1 - Asking for the date
I understand that this was a blind date, but he asked me over a text. He obviously couldn't ask me in person and we were already talking through text so it did make a little sense. However, it would have been four thousand times better had he called and asked me. True, it would have been awkward. But think about it, you can hear a persons thoughts through their voice. This can help you know how excited or devastated the girl is about going on the date, which will help you prepare for the date. Also, we girls may not admit it too often, but we like that old fashion stuff.

#2 - Planning the date
Spontaneity is fun, but it has it's limits. Let's be honest, there is a difference between turning a study session into a date and taking a girl out for four hours when she has no clue of the plan. Make sure that you know the girls plans ahead of time. Even if you have been best friends for eight years, she might not dare tell you she has to be up at five for work the next day.

#3 - Ending the date
This obviously goes along with planning the date. Remember, no matter how great the date is going, it needs to end. It is always better to end on a positive note than a negative one. For example, say you're on the best date of your life. The two of you are hitting it off. You want to spend more time with her. Don't make this date last longer, ask her on a second one instead. This is a far better plan than taking her out for ice cream after you've had dinner and a movie. End the date on a high note, leaving her wanting to go out with you again.

#4 - Be honest
I mean be honest in every possible way. If you didn't hear what she said, tell her. Don't pretend you knew. If you hate her favorite movie, tell her. Don't act like you watch it every night. If you don't like her, don't hold her hand and make plans to go on another date. Before the date with this guy, he had me convinced he had a daughter. He had sent me a picture of her and everything. Of course, I'd be okay either way, if he had a daughter or not. This was the first date and I wasn't going to be judgmental of a guy I didn't know. However, if you have a child, sending your date a picture of them isn't the way to let them know. Especially on a first date. It turns out that he didn't have a daughter. So, why on earth was he telling me he did? BE HONEST! Don't lie about little things, and DON'T lie about bigger things.

#5 - Get to know her
This is what annoyed me the most on this awful blind date. Each time I went into a story or started answering his questions he'd interrupt with something like "My hair is actually kind of a strawberry blonde, not red" or "My nieces like me to push them on the swings." What is the point of asking me a question if you aren't going to let me answer? There should be an actual conversation on the date. It shouldn't be set up in question and answer form. Respond to what she says. Answer her questions. Listen to what she says. If she brings it up again, ask more questions, it's obviously important to her. I mentioned my family multiple times on this date, each time he quickly changed the subject. On a date I'd been on with another guy, he asked me questions about each of my siblings, taking an interest in all of them. This was great because later when I brought up my sister, he immediately knew which one I was talking about.
*GIRLS! This goes for you too! Don't be the girl who talks about herself the entire date.

#6 - Do the "Gentleman" things
This should go without saying. You need to make her feel safe around you, especially if it is a blind date. Don't take her to an abandoned park at one in the morning. Don't force her to do something she doesn't feel comfortable with. If she says no, she means no. This doesn't just mean with physical touch, it can even go with conversation. On this date, after I told the guy I'm terrified of needles, he proceeded to try and poke my hand with one. I was near tears, begging him not to. Guys, be smart. Don't make a girl feel uncomfortable. This also includes opening doors, picking her up at the front door, meeting her family or roommates or anyone else who is there, and then walking her to her door at the end of the date. Remember, this shouldn't be obnoxious. Show her that you will get the door for her, don't shout it at her as you head towards the car.

#7 - Take it easy
This goes along with almost every other rule I've mentioned. It boils down to one thing - DON'T BE FORWARD! There is nothing worse than having a guy hold your hand on the first date when you know nothing about him. Guys, if the she has her hands in the pocket of her jacket, don't reach in for them. If she yawns and mentions she has a busy day, take her home. Don't drag out the date. Don't talk about marriage or even plan out all of your future dates. Take it easy, you don't want to seem like you're going to hold her at gun point and drag her to the temple.

Now, I know we girls can be VERY difficult. I can't speak for other girls but I can tell you what I've learned in my experiences. We don't want to get hurt and we don't want to hurt you. This means we'll give off "signs" and hope you understand them. We don't want to flat out tell you we aren't interested, or flat out tell you we are. It's scary for us. If you are confused, just ask her. Tell her to be honest and straightforward. She should respect for you that.

Just so you know, I mean this for girls as well. We are just as much to blame if a date goes horribly. There will always be things for both sides to work on. This is just a start. If this blind date guy ever asked me out again, I'd say no in a heartbeat. If he isn't going to treat me with respect then he doesn't deserve a second date. I think I've only been on one date where the guy actually came close to perfectly following each of these rules. If he asked me out again, I wouldn't be able to hold in my excitement. The way you treat someone will mean a lot more than how much you have in common.

And there you have it. My opinion. If you want to hear about this awful date and laugh your head off, give me a call, I'd love to tell you the story. :)