And 10 Years Later...

I like to think that we would still be best friends. There are times that all I want to do is talk to her.

I wonder what she would be like. She'd be twelve now. That's about the age I was when she passed away. I think of what I was like at twelve and I really hope she would have more common sense than I did.

One of the things I regret most in my life is the way I acted with Gracie before she died. We had a fight. And we never fought. It was hard to get mad at such a darling little girl, I mean just take a look at that face! But it happened. I was sick, home from school, and all I wanted to do was watch a movie and fall asleep. She didn't want to let that happen.

You know those rubber popper things? The ones you turn inside out and wait for them to pop into the air? She had a pink one and couldn't turn it inside out on her own. I had been playing this with her for what felt like hours. I was done. She obviously wasn't. I couldn't fake enthusiasm any longer, so I turned it inside out one last time and quickly moved off of the floor and onto the big couch. She didn't like that. Screaming and yelling, she took her hands and pinched my face and began to spit all over me, her signature move when she is upset. Hopefully she's forgiven me for that.

I could tell stories about her all day. In fact, I was reading a poem I wrote about her when I was in eighth grade (I'd share it, but let's just face it, I've never been good at poetry and I don't want anyone to make fun of me) and it said that I planned to write children's books about her. I'd completely forgotten about that, but I'm going to make it happen.

She had such a bright personality. We all loved to see her laugh and do anything we could to make that happen. And once she did laugh, we would too. Her laughter was infectious, even to those who didn't know her. Perfect strangers would smile just by looking at her.

 I know it has been ten years, but sometimes I just don't want to deal with the fact that my little sister died. I struggle with it, and I'm sure I always will. But, thankfully I have the knowledge that I will see her again. She is on the other side, leading me and guiding me, waiting for me to come play with her again. :)

"In the gospel of Jesus Christ you have help from both sides of the veil, and you must never forget that." -Elder Jeffery R. Holland.